Cut Three Darlings and Keep Intensity, Clarity, and Emotion
One of the best things about editing is cutting words. When I wrote my first novel—over 100k—and I read that contemporary romances should be closer to 80k, I had to cut some words.
And when I started, I almost didn't want to stop.
I felt like a scissor-happy cosmetologist who couldn't stop herself from trimming more than my ends. No offense to cosmetologists, but y'all know you like cutting hair.
Word count guidelines are important. Pull up any submission guidelines for literary magazines or publishers and they're pretty clear that the word count must be adhered to or you risk your submission getting rejected. Even literary agents will reject your query if your manuscript is way off the standard publishing mark. It costs money to produce a book and word counts dictate this.
I recently finished a graduate-level course in writing short stories for my MFA. Our last assignment was to write a 500-750-word story from a prompt. Like the rest of the students in the class, my draft went long. But since I was paranoid I'd get marked down for not following the rules (I rarely break the rules), I had to cut, cut, cut.
So, I set about the task of finding darlings. Darlings are those words for which you share an emotional attachment.
When editing, you move out of the creative, right side of your brain into the logical, left side. It's here where you want to lose emotional attachment to your words. When you do, cutting is surprisingly easy.
But first, let's destroy the myth that you tell yourself that all words are necessary.
This is especially untrue in the first draft. Your first draft is the wheat plus the chaff. Even for clean drafters with years of experience, you still produce work that isn't polished to a high shine. To use the wheat, you must remove the chaff. Below are three darlings to cut.
Three Automatic Cuts
1. Repetition
Some authors use repetitive words or phrases as a device to emphasize emotion or create tone. In a short story, it's likely not the best technique and it'll take work to elicit that same emotion or impact with fewer words. But if we write at all like we speak or think, then we're repeating ourselves on the regular.
Look for phrases, whole sentences, or restating emotions that don't add anything extra for impact, moving the story forward, clarity in messaging, or amping up the conflict (conflict is front and center in a short story due to the brevity of the story).
2. Extra Words
All those prepositions at the end of sentences and those 'thats.' They may be grammatically acceptable, but they add up if you have a word count limit to stick to. See what I did there?
Sometimes I'm wordy when I speak. It translates into my writing, especially if I'm working through how to write what I mean. Reworking sentences by moving verbs around or shortening the subject can eliminate wordiness.
3. Extraneous Characters or Descriptions
Often there are characters that don't challenge or reveal something about or to the protagonist, or don't interact with the protagonist. Sometimes they serve to show how bad the villain is. But in a short story with a limited word count, have the protagonist interact with the villain/antagonist and use that conflict to propel the story forward.
Example
Power Couple is a short story I wrote for class. The first attempt is 112 words. The second attempt is 115 words, but I added more of Freddy's goals and motivation; I couldn't do that unless I cut out words that didn't have an impact on the story I wanted to create. Any time you can amplify goals, motivation, or conflict at the start, the clearer your protagonist becomes and the stronger connection he can make with the reader.
Attempt 1
“Help us win this case, Freddy, and you’ll be fast-tracked to partner this year,” said Freddy’s mentor, Hutch, of Keys, Stravinsky, and Hutch. The named partners had estimated the trial to last two months, despite being defended by two of the top law firms in Chicago. To make partner this year meant Freddy could move up his date to own a firm.
The door to the conference room opened. The attorneys for the financial firm, Reyes, Leonard, and Poland entered, taking seats opposite the criminal defense attorneys. Excitement buzzed in the air as Freddy watched the named partners of both firms congregate at the head of the table, exchanging pleasantries and laughs.
Attempt 2
“Help us win this, Freddy, and you’ll make partner this year,” said Freddy’s mentor, Hutch, of Keys, Stravinsky, and Hutch, the premier criminal defense firm in Chicago. Hutch estimated the trial of the white-collar criminal defendant to last two months, despite Keys, Stravinsky, and Hutch being joined by a top financial firm. To make partner this year meant Freddy could move up his date to own a firm. Propose to Casey.
The conference room door opened. The attorneys for the financial firm entered, taking seats opposite attorneys who worked with Freddy. Freddy watched the named partners of both firms congregate at the head of the table, exchanging pleasantries and laughs. Soon, that would be him.
What I Cut
1. Extra Words
- 'The door to the conference room opened' in Attempt 1 was replaced with 'The conference room door opened.'
- 'This case' in the first line of Attempt 1 was cut because I mentioned the trial in the next sentence; it's understood the firm is working on a case.
2. Extraenous Characters/Descriptions
- Although still mentioned as 'attorneys' in Attempt 2, I axed the names of the financial firm. The important firm name is the one that employs the protagonist.
- I removed 'Excitement buzzed in the air' because the action of the attorneys congregating and laughing is enough to see the energy and adding the protagonist's internalization of being a leading attorney 'soon' also creates a bit of electricity.
Additions for Clarity and Emotion
Getting rid of a couple of words here and there allowed me to add 'Propose to Casey,' a clear goal of the protagonist. The internal reflection, 'Soon, that would be him,' shows Freddy's motivation and the reader can infer a sense of persistence.
Improved Pacing
Tightening the sentences about the trial date and the attorneys greeting one another improved the pacing of this thriller story. Thrillers require a faster pace for intensity. Without it, they would be less thrilling and more boring.
My first draft was over 750 words. The submitted assignment was 750 words including the title (titles aren't included in the word count). I was pleased with my final revision and so was my professor.
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